The birth of my sons Robert and Garrison was a wonderful girl from God. I wouldn't change a bit of my journey into motherhood, but it would've been even more blissful if the sisters I'd turned to for the down-and-dirty truth had kept it real. I wish someone had told me:

1 WHICH MUSCLES ACTUALLY PUSH THAT BABY OUT. "I didn't know that pushing would feel like having a really big bowel movement," says Kim Warrick-Barrett of Coconut Creek, Florida. Her daughter, Jessika, now 11 months old, was ready to arrive, but Kim says, "I thought I had to go to the bathroom."

2 A C-SECTION IS NOT A COWARD'S WAY OUT. Many women think of cesareans as a way to avoid the pain of childbirth. Not so. Seven years after the birth of her son, Julian, Karen Harrigan of Roosevelt, New York, still recalls the sensation of cutting, pulling and blood running: "I kept asking for more anesthesia."

3 BREAST-FEEDING IS NATURAL BUT NOT ALWAYS EASY. Some newborns have trouble latching on to the breast, and moms may get frustrated and give up. Wanda Price of Arlington, Virginia, says, "It was hard. Even now I'm sad about what my son missed." If you really want to nurse, seek the help of a lactation expert.

4 NOT EVERYONE "GLOWS." Some pregnant women are at their radiant best. But many of us suffer, plagued by nausea, fatigue and mood swings far beyond the first trimester. Myoschi Oriol-Brathwaite, a Brooklyn mother of 15-month-old twins Ariel and Ayres, had every symptom to the extreme. "From heartburn to backache, I had it all. But the discomfort was worth it," she says.

5 POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION IS REAL. No new mom wants to admit to being an emotional wreck when she's supposed to be at the happiest point in life, says Karen Holmes Morant of Raleigh, North Carolina, who sometimes found herself "crying uncontrollably" after the birth of her daughter, Miya. You're not a bad person; your hormones are just out of synch.

6 BABY'S ARRIVAL CAN TEST A COUPLE. "Our lives revolved around the baby," Kathy Williams-Brown in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, recalls of her first marriage and the birth of her son, David, now 10. Thinking back, Williams-Brown says, "We didn't balance the baby's needs with our own."

7 A SCREAMING BABY CAN BREAK A SISTER DOWN. Sybil Lewis of Havedegrace, Maryland, mother of Tyra and Chayanne, understands why some parents lose it with their kids. "It's okay to walk away if they're really stressing you. You put them down in a safe place, catch your breath and regroup."

8 CHILDREN SHOW YOU GOD'S LOVE. Lynee Porter of Brooklyn says her kids, 12-year-old Karen and Chanelle, 10 months, have expanded her faith in ways she never imagined. Porter says, "You truly understand God's blessing when you see your child and feel that unconditional love."

9 YOU'LL MISS ASPECTS OF YOUR OLD LIFE. "At first I resented having no time for myself," says Williams-Brown. "Then it occurred to me that the baby didn't ask to be here; this was my choice." Choose to take time out for you. Call on your partner, family or friends for relief.

10 MOTHERHOOD CHANGES THE WAY YOU SEE THE WORLD. The nurturing and empathy you bring to parenting extends to other areas in your life. "I'm more patient with people," says Theresa Nugent of Queens, New York, mother of Mayan, 14, and Marie, 13. "I can see the spirit of a child in others."

COPYRIGHT 2002 Essence Communications, Inc.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group